Poetry Love Crown


Photo by Joanna Pallaris



by meg dickerson


it is not an easy beauty

but it is beautiful



still within me .


it is not an easy beauty

but it is so beautiful

his lost love loud


and shocking still .



“It is true that the people we meet shape us . But the people we don’t meet shape us also , often more because we have imagined them so vividly . There are people we yearn for but never seem to meet . Every adult yearns for some stranger , but it is really childhood we miss . We are yearning for that which has been stolen from us by what we have become “.

Simon Van Booy.


Dedicated to the stranger I met and loved once ….






Perplexings : P. J. Poet


Guest blogger – B.B. Samsonite ( a k a … P.J.Poet )

Baby Blue Samsonite ( Sammy for short ) , dreams she has a real face , a pleasant face , a recognizable face , a face rather like Meg’s .

” It is not a good thing you have done to me ! I’m confused as to what story I’m in and I’m beginning to get lost and tired of going back and forth between all your quirky characters … Who exactly am I anyway “?

Meg has a lot of thinking to do .

After days without food or water , alone , between a novel , a screenplay , reality interludes , the weary suitcase receives a communication from the Wakan Tanka ( the Great Mystery ) . The vision is not hazy or ill-defined . It is real . It hits Baby Blue sharp and clear like an electric shock . She is wide awake and suddenly there is a person standing next to her who she knows can’t be there at all , yet she is not dreaming , her eyes are wide open ! The vision speaks to her .


Photo : Ellen Rogers

” One must die lovable ( if one can ) . There is no greater achievement than to be totally lovable at the end . You can not predict what will happen when the day comes for you to crawl into bed for the last time , but if you are not taken suddenly , you want to be lovable ( if you can ) “.

I hope Meg clears up this dilemma before then ! Especially since she’s left me in such a limbo . Look , look , here is my imagined face … I’m nearly human after all !


Further Perplexings :

When she

transformed into a

butterfly , the

caterpillars spoke

not of her beauty .

but of her

weirdness . They

wanted her to

change back into

what she always

had been .


but she had wings .

poem by Dean Jackson


P.s.   I hope Meg let’s me be a quest blogger again ! Please put in a good word for me as I’m not sure she always hears me !




Clouds : screenplay


Scene 5 : Sandcastles

Time : dusk

Place : beach in Hawaii

Music : only the sound of waves and surf with faint tinkling of bells heard

Abu , sitting under the shade of the Gingo tree from previous scene , is now joined by Olivia , who is seen carrying a transistor radio and holding the hand of little Peggy ( first appearance here in scene 5 ) . Nearby , Baby Blue Samsonite ( Sammy ) is almost asleep until Peggy steps onto her , climbing into the swaying hammock … the scent of plumeria bushes , a sweet aroma , drifts sweetly like the gentle mist on naked skin of a rainbow low in the heavens . See here the moon , rolling down the boulevard in the sky lighting up this hazy scene .

note to cameraman : 3 min. Close-up of Peggy as she falls asleep while the following lullaby is playing on the transistor radio .

Goodnight My Angel

Goodnight my angel ,

Time to close your eyes

And save those questions for another day

I think I know what you’ve been asking me

I think you know what I’ve been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you

And you should always know

Wherever you may go

No matter where you are

i never will be away .


Goodnight my angel

Now it’s time to sleep

And still so many things I want to say

Remember all the songs you sang for me

When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean

Im rocking you to sleep

The waters dark

And deep inside this ancient heart

Youll always be a part of me .


Goodnight my angel

Now it’s time to dream

And dream how wonderful your life will be

Someday your child may cry

And if you sing this lullabye

Then in your heart

There will always be a part of me .


Someday well all be gone

But lullabies go on and on …

They never die

Thats how you

And I

Will be .

written and sung by Billy Joel


Cameraman : focus on Olivia where only the universal rhythm of the waves are heard.

Olivia , once again , sees beyond the breakers , waves that bleed from grey to white , a white horizon where everything melts into everything else , like a ghost in the night . Bells chime , “she is here to bear witness “. And now , a single , unattached to a house , window appears like a vision with Olivia looking in , out at the sea and then  1000 miles down to the seabed .

Cameraman : long underwater scenes with sea life , dolphins and coral until there lies Peggy , looking up from underneath , peaceful in the deep cathedral of the ocean .

Music : Harp playing with the passionate voice of  Florence + the Machine  singing


This scene fades away to Tavisha at the distant end of the beach walking towards them after writing her lost loves name in the sand .

She is talking to herself . The alchemy of her own salty ocean tears begins to drop onto her toes , nails colored pink , pink like the inside of oyster shells , feet still like those of her girlhood .


Narrator ( Abu ) : Earlier on this day , when the beach had been noisy with families and children , Tavisha had often stopped in wonder , awe , and admiration for the pathway of sand castles being created . Ones with delicate peeks and well thought out moats above dug out rivers , others larger and strong with fish , stars and mermaid intricately designed . But now this world is changing from sunny noon bright heat  to twilight where a dolphin is suddenly seen jumping out of the waves and the sound of the pounding hoofs of Waipios wild horses is heard in the dusk of the distant valley .


Music playing from Dire Staits ( Alchemy Album )

Abu continues narration :

Tavisha swims into the rolling waters and when she emerges cleansed , back to shore she is weeping , weeping for her lost youth … gone now . A heart bruised and a body broken , tired more , aging fast , sleeping more , crying more , life meaning more . And now see the tears dried from the lovely strong wind and look , look as she sees the sand castles now being washed from the beach  as the tide rises . Look , how beautiful they  suddenly are ( so much more than before ) . The edges smooth , the forms simple and softened round , no details left  … only the hint of a castle now with its soul exposed into something strangely fat and alive making a map to another planets dimension  seem only a mile away . Something surreal , surreal with ancient amazing beauty .  The wind blows her hair , blows it like the waves blow the sand into a perfection sweet like silky soft baby hair .


Scene closes with window close-up in which a multitude of stars are seen thru the pane and a falling star lands in the eyes of Tavisha , bells tinkling , Baby Blue humming , Peggy sleeping , Olivia silent  and the grapefruit moon beaming it’s reflection on the floating windowsill .

Music : ” Closing Time ” instrumental played by Tom Waits


Scene # 6 :  Stormy Clouds


Narrator : Abu watching over Peggy as she dreams

She walks to the center of the grassy fields that she use to play in . She is ready . This life is to curl . She wants the storm to wash her away like water does to sand . She is a sandcastle and this is her wave . She is ready to get washed away . Hush , hush , hushing …


to be continued




There is Dark , There is Light ( continued from 1000 First Chapters from Jan. 23 )


Amelia is perplexed still . The conversation of the night before , like a hunger strike , lingered in the pit of her stomach . Why did her sister fall in love many times over … and so easily ? A stone , a leaf , a window … sadness and hope , cruelty and love . The venomous chaos , a penetrating chaos with potent terror was evil . Evil in the form of a man named Martin . A chaos cold and numbing . Tavisha had been swallowed up by the abyss and yet somehow she had crawled out in tack . And this is what I wished to understand . She once quoted , like a black and white tattoo embedded on her skin  from Anna Karenina , ” All the variety , all the charm , all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow “. I’ve never forgotten her saying it . And I saw that her shadow , like the shadow of a dead bird growing larger as it falls from the sky , was dark , blood red , a gash deep that still scarred on her neck , deep into her heart. Evil was lurking around the corner and love , like optimism turns up where you least expect it . And in the end that’s all there is, love , sorrow and it’s truth . Some people are born to suffer , it’s the same place where love and freedom and pride are born and it never stops, we just pretend it does . We tell ourselves it does to make the children stop whimpering in their sleep . These are my sisters words remembered that morning years later that was the beginning of my own journey towards enlightenment . It begins with truth … the telling of it and the hearing of it too .


” He stood watching me . I could feel his stare as obvious as a cheap , strong perfume . He already knew that I was broke and broken . My friends just recently had deserted me , my best friend , remember her , you dated her brother ? Anyway ,.. Um .. Martin kept skulking in that coffee shop I worked at . I’m sure he had heard gossip about that African doctor and me and I’m sure now that he preyed on that vulnerability and hurt of my loneliness  . I felt so alone and clueless . Now , even glimpses of evil appall me , appall me like the sight of an egg splattered with its yolk broken and leaking … it turns my stomach but back then , in ignoring , it caused me awful trouble .”.

I sat still listening and decided not to ask questions and I knew from the intense look on her face , a face drenched in destiny and oddly radiant like the faces found in paintings of doomed and haloed saints , with wrinkles half hidden on her forehead by her long hair , that it was good to release this old pain inside of her .

” I first felt sad for him , for the loss of his mother at 14 and his dad’s desertion , his need to make money illegally to survive , sorry for the girl he was forced to marry who was pregnant and even sad for his catholic beliefs . I pitied the hatreds that lied to him and weakened him . I was so stupid to believe all his sad stories and remember the hook he used to gain my sympathy , it was , ” I have feelings too , just because I’m a big guy doesn’t mean I’m any differant from everyone else “. I chose to believe all his stories and for years after , even now sometimes , odd lies he told return in my mind like danger street signs along quiet country roads and I say to myself , ” Wow , that was a lie too “! But he had a power , and it was this and I’m embarrassed by it … I was madly in love with him , especially in a sexual way … I was sick , seriously sick  “.


The way she slowly shook her head and the sadness in her eyes embarrassed me for her stupidity had made me so mad before . But some things are just so sad that only your soul can do the crying for you and it was there in the darkness of those eyes of hers . For awhile we just sat there each with our own separate thoughts … a silence so profound that the breeze on my ears from the open window was like a child’s sleepy whisper .

” It was his voice I first fell in love with , deep and melodious with confidence and strength and then the sweetness saved for only me , differant than how I heard him talk to others roughly and with dam nations . Was I so intrigued … paradoxes have always fascinated me … was that it “?

Where my sister saw intrigue , all I saw was danger and would have run fast in the opposite direction ! I noticed first that he pretended to be rich , showing off 100 dollar bills , wearing expensive designer watches ( always a different one ) and strutting his Tommy Bahamas shirts on his large frame like a show off . Why she was attracted to a big fat guy I will never understand ! She was so stupid and even believed that he stayed on the second floor alone of his ex-wife’s house out of a sense of duty . He first conned my niece , knowing if he got her approval the others would soon fall in line too , which really shocked me as she fell for it all too and she was so street wise and protective of her mom . He was slick like a greasy pan of Mexican sausage and I hated him ! He somehow sneaked his name on Tavishas only investment account from her dead husband and gambled it all away telling more and more lies . I remember the day she phoned me and said ,”things just don’t make sense to me anymore “.


And so finally , after a year when the nature of the universe revealed it’s tendency towards complexity , Tavisha began to face her fears like peeking from underneath a sheet covering her whole naked body until one night it was torn swiftly to show the evil that had been lurking and it clutched at her heart with talons of truth . A night of redemption , an unknown flower blooming in the dark night that opened wide her eyes to what she had not seen before . He was like a dark angel wandering the earth with the stink of sulphur like cancer in his breath . But he was just a man , an evil man of deceit and hate , cursed with the fact that he could no longer experience good . Always playing the victim he was corrupt and full of wickedness , he lied too well , he lied with every nerve and fiber and it scared her cutting thru her heart until the calm demeanor of her acknowledgement baffled his senses and his hatred was unleashed .

” Don’t ignore me”!  walking toward her

” Leave me alone “!  running upstairs, locking the door .

” You never let me finish my sentence you condescending B…. I said I’m not gonna hurt you ” yelling as the door is broken off its hinges by his strong , bulky stinking body .

” Leave me alone “!  He grasps hard a hold of her kicking ankles and pulls her quick with a thud to the floor , picks her up again dropping her straight on her head and she knows she is injured badly . Reaching over and ripping off from the wall a screwed in metal clothes hook , he thrusts the sharp edge like a knife to her throat saying , ” you f….. B …. I’m not gonna hurt you , I’m gonna kill you “!

Tavisha freezes , her broken body slumps into complete quietness like a captured animal, her breathing still and almost non existent . She whispers a name , ” Jesus “. Suddenly he let’s go , walks out of the room , smokes a cigarette in the garage , comes back up , says he is sorry and she pretends to accept .


The following day , in a dark hole of worthlessness , she walks into the sea with all her clothes on … the sea where all of life begins . When a woman makes a baby she gives it water to grow in and just like the sea it has the same ratio of salt . From the beginning we took the ocean with us , our blood and sweat is salty and we cry oceans in our tears . ” And the earth was without form : and void and darkness was upon the face of the deep . And the spirit of God hovered upon the face of the waters . And God said let there be light : and there was light ” Exodus 1:2&3 . Floating above an undertoe , wondering if she will die drowning , she once again calls out “Jesus “. A radiance appears in the sky and in her eyes a vision , a vision of purity , a vision of gentle peace and a beautiful face parting the clouds and a voice ” I hold your hand , I am the I am ” . And like the sobbing at night in a distant village of wretchedly miserable poverty an understanding of “why” comes forth from Gods out stretched arms … no happiness exists without its woe , no wealth without its cost , no life without its full measure of sorrowing and death .


” Later he had me followed by his mobster friends who broke in leaving threatening messages until I finally left for Mexico after our parents died . I heard he moved back to the big city , sick with throat cancer and died a year later . I visited him once , grateful for how he pushed me hard into my true awareness of the Divine . I confronted him and offered forgiveness and asked for it too as I was not without fault … but he remained stoic with a paralyzed face, looking at me only sardonically with his bloodshot eyes . I touched him and walked away . Outside I sat awhile and gave myself completely to that golden , fate-filled moment and in gazing at the spring buds on the trees I felt the silent, secret , heartbreaking joy , God puts into everything that blooms and grows .


From my sister Tavishas diary :

” The truth is that there are no good men or bad men , it is the deeds that have goodness or badness in them . There are good deeds and bad deeds. Men are just men – it is what they do or refuse to do that links them to good and evil . The truth is that an instant of real love, in the heart of anyone , the noblest man alive or the most wicked , has the whole purpose and process and meaning of life with-in the lotus folds of its passion . The truth is that we are all , everyone of us , every atom , every galaxy and every particle of matter in the universe , moving toward God “.


Note: portrait photos by Ellen Rogers photography